mac's comfort zone

e m P t Y

Thursday, May 18, 2006 ( 19:15 )

written in retrospective:
i chanced upon my first stillbirth on tuesday. boy, was i stricken and affected. this patient of mine has been in and out of the hospital umpteen times, for high blood pressure, which can get dangerous when one's bearing a child.. so she had to be kept in for observation. the fetus had intra-uterine growth retardation, a mere 350gms for a 28-weeker (that's really really small). not knowing the gender, the baby was designated both the intended names for each sex. came across the deed, the death cert, the memorial mourn, complete with a planned funeral service and the works. i was just so griefed by it. i managed to catch sight of the baby too, still wrapped up in a yellow teddy-bear blanket, lying in the crib, occasionally being cuddled by the mother and the granny. the features were all fully formed; the eyes, the itty bitty nose and the prettiest lips.. and get this, they keep the baby in the pathology fridge after several hours of bonding, just so the fetus will not putrefy and takes the child out again when they want to nestle further. how more heart-constricting can things get? sigh... the family was very brave though, and demonstrated good support network. sincerely hope they'll make it through this ordeal soon. they have to, life has to go on; that's what the father told me.. and how true.

all that happened just dawned on me whether am i choosing the correct specialisation. but it is without a doubt that a healthcare professional will definitely meet with demises in any discipline (my friend had 2 suicidal cases in the ward within a month; her patients jumped to their death). i just wish i'll be ready then, to meet with this issue that is supposedly deemed "part and parcel of LIFE". how ironic..

it's stupefying how technology had progressed. brought my patient down for a CT scan (a 3-D X-ray) on wednesday, and i'm simply awed by the million dollar machine. a jaw-dropper definitely, it looks at everything in just a few minutes. i had seen similar procedures back in singapore, perhaps even more wondrous ones, but i guess i was taking all that for granted. maybe it was bcos i didn't give much thought then, and only begin to appreciate all these more now.

another patient of mine didn't receive good news about her prognosis later part of the day. cancer cells were suspected, and when i went in to see her, she started crying. it made me thought about my dad and my mum back then. i was doubtlessly too young, and hence can't really recall much at all. I pondered over how my parents reacted when they got the bad news. did my mum cry or was she brave and did not shed a single tear? as for daddy, i noe he must have been shattered. a whole string of memories started pouring; i vividly remember my dad juggling between work and taking care of the family. he was very strong, emotionally and psychologically. i made a silent promise to myself to care for him no matter what, and make sure he'll spend his old age comfortably. i miss u dad.. how u always use to pat my head and smile at me even till now.. intuitively, i may have grown, but i know deep down, i'll always be your little girl, the one you brought up single-handedly. am glad i visited mummy's grave with you, Shanz and JM during easter for her death anniversary. will get her a new windmill when we drop by next time.

enough of the melancholic issues. i went for a big grocery shopping spree after work yesterday. got off early as i didn't go for lunch. bought so much stuff to last me probably till exams that my fridge's practically bursting. it's janine's and lynn's birthday tomorrow, and i got their presents as well. cooked chicken rice for dinner, delicous! did a bit of work and caught some dvds - bring it on again was mediocre, cheaper by the dozen was heart-warming; preferred part 2 though, which i previously caught on the plane.

today's thursday, weekend's almost here! started school at 1300hrs, but dropped by school, twice, to book my presentation topic in the morning. as usual, the lectures were dry and full of information to be digested. urgh.. caught the emperor's groove (funny!) when i came back and returned the dvds by 1900hrs. had hotdog bun and salad for dinner; sumptuous! chien just drop me a message; will be having dinner together, then heading down The Loft at around tenish tomorrow night for the girls' party. i'm sure it'll be a blast!