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Two decades of remembrance


"In loving memory of

Ong Siew Tin

Departed: 16th April 1989

Age: 37

Always remembered by husband, 3 daughters and love ones"

It's been twenty long years, Ma.
Time really flies.
I was only six when you left;
cancer took you away from me.
I still remember how sick you were,
but the details were vague.
Susan told me more,
then I realised how little I knew about you when you were at your deathbed.
I didn't know the disease robbed you of your sight,
I only recalled how chemotherapy laid its horrible effects on you.
You were almost bald, clad skinny in your flowery PJs.
And had a big scar over your chest.
After nursing school,
I found out even more.
Why you were always having chesty coughs;
you had pneumonia from prolonged bedrest and because your immunity was low.
I understood why you were always in bed,
so weak and frail,
not up and about, walking me to the school bus waiting spot like my neighbour's mother.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder how things would be if you were still around.
I would have a mother when I was in primary school.
I would not have to tell my classmates I do not have a mum.
You know, those drama serials we see on the tube,
the plotted scenes of a child without a parent are a reality.
For I really felt empty during art and craft lesson for mother's day.
My teacher would always say tactfully,
you can make this for your father instead.
So the card would read "To Papa" instead of "Dear Mummy"...

I wanted a mother. I really did.
And I know that's why you blessed me with one.
One that is taking care of Dad and us just as you would.
I'm sure you are glad,
that she loves us,
just like her own precious daughters.
Yes, I cried, the very first time I had to call her Mum when I was 11.
But I cried too,
when I was so thankful I have her for being that mother figure I always needed.

When I went to see you on Friday,
I realised how much I miss you.
How I miss hiding behind your back while you laid down to watch Crimewatch.
Because I was too timid to see the gore.
And the birthday parties you always arranged for me.
Filled with so many yummy goodies that you cooked.
I'm so glad I still had those pictures.
Cause sadly, I do not have much to remember you by.
Why have you not come into my dreams as you did to my cheh chehs?
Not once, Ma, ever since you left.
I asked Susan and Shannon why,
they said it's because you know I'm in good hands.
Well, I am, Ma.
I think he would have told you that too that day.

I love you, Ma.
And I will always remember, and bear it deeply in mind.
That I will not stand at your grave and cry,
For you are not there, you did not die.

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