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I miss you, Mother.

Shannon told me the dreams she and Susan had about you,
and how you always asked about me.
How you will ask Shannon, where am I?
And Shannon will reply to you "there she is" and point to me,
waiting for my school bus at our old Bedok home.
She told me you always wore the same kebaya...
and donned the same short curly hairstyle just like how when you left...

Just the other day when I was rummaging thru my old photos for the montage,
I came across the album that had photos of the funeral.
I was overwhelmed with emotions.
I couldn't help but question what it would be like if you were still around.
What would our lives be like then?

I know you went to Heaven when I was still young,
and am probably the one that you really couldn't let go.
Dad and Mum conveyed to me...
You once told them in their dreams you are waiting for me to get married,
before going for reincarnation.
This gave me a mixed feeling.
Happy that you are going on to another life,
but sad that you are leaving.
Really leaving this time.

I remembered that I used to always ask,
why is that you never come to look for me in my dreams?
I would really want you to that.
Just like how you went to find Kalene and played lego with her.
I may be frightened,
but I think I would be filled with so much joy in the aftermath.

I am scared.
Not because of how I will react.
But because I am beginning to forget how you look like.
And the memories that I had of you are growing faint.
And that really frightens me.
I have so little to remember you by.

Mother, will you come for our big day?






"I never really held you, but I feel you.
You never really spoke, but I hear you.
I never really knew you, but I love you..."

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